Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The thing about feelings...

The thing about feelings is that all they want is to be felt. They want to do their job…is that too much to ask? Well apparently, yes it is. We all have feelings, it’s part of the deal… but if we’re not huge fans of those feelings then we work overtime to pile on supposed to and if only I and I should or I shouldn’t until all we have is a big confusing mass of what used to be feelings, but now has mutated into judgment like nobody’s business. Awesome.

We’re pros at not feeling our feelings. We get dumped and through our tears we say, “I don’t care, whatever” Um, are you kidding me? We have so much shame and guilt attached to our feelings that it makes me, well, feel a little bummed.

It’s as if feeling hurt all of the sudden means you’re weak, or feeling anxious all of the sudden means you’re obsessive. Somehow, at some point, we decided that we need to be blank vessels with no wrinkles or birthmarks or movement or blood or guts or feelings. Just stand still, look pretty, and don’t breathe too hard or your hair will get messed up. Why can’t our feelings be free of judgment, and just move through us and do their job?

Once we’ve buried our feelings under judgment, our newly lowered self esteem becomes the focus. Now our bodies and our minds and our juiciness inside is all confused… because our actual feelings are being ignored like the plague and we can’t stop wondering why we are so ridiculous for feeling anything at all.

Once we give ourselves permission to feel our feelings, the ugly-upsetting-mess of judgment that we’ve gotten ourselves into shifts into a beautiful-perfect-mess of a real live human. The judgment lifts and we can focus on what’s really going on.

No part of me is saying that our feelings are easy to feel. That’s called denial dear. What I’m saying is, dealing with our feelings is hard enough as it is…we are complex and insanely unbelievable creatures and working with and through our feelings is not only deeply important but takes time and energy and love like crazy…judgment in the kind of doses we’re capable of makes that pretty much impossible.

It’s time to release yourself from thinking you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way, it’s time to liberate yourself from being a blank slate and embrace your blood and guts and bona fide human-being-ness. Feeling sad my love? Cry cry and cry more. And a little more. Feeling angry? Scream your amazing lungs out like you own it. Feeling anxious? Invite it in and don’t forget that it belongs to you, you call the shots. Feeling joyful? You’re doing a disservice to the world if you don’t show it all over your gorgeous face.

Now breathe and thank yourself for being alive and feeling every minute of it.

And that’s the thing about feelings.


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