Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The thing about mothers-in-law...

The thing about mothers-in-law is that sometimes, they drive us a little nuts. Maybe that's just part of the package?

I don't think we should just ‘get over it’ if we feel hurt by our mothers-in-law. It’s just not that easy. The truth is, though… they pushed our partners out of their bodies and for that they deserve just a few props. I know, I know… just stick with me on this one…

Many of us treat our mothers-in-law like they’re in the way, they’re the reason for all havoc breaking loose…and maybe in some cases they absolutely are. But the bottom line- they love their kid and they are jealous as hell. Justifiably so.

I mean, lets just get down to it. They get pregnant. Maybe they’re excited, and maybe they’re not. They push out a kid, they raise them fabulously or horribly, attentively or neglectfully. They deal with all the frustration, joy, emotion, and everything in between that comes with raising that child. THEN, we come along.

We get to fall in love with that human being and they get to fall in love with us…by choice. We don't to choose our parents, but we get to choose our partner. We get to reap the benefits and rewards of their mother's work...their kid. I would imagine that for many mom's, that's not so easy to digest. No matter how charming you are.

So, they changed diapers and dealt with emotional stuff and took care of their kid the best they could with what they had. Admit it. Then a pretty young thang comes along and gets to make googly eyes while they sit there realizing that one of the people keeping them busy, making them feel needed…is out the door… like, really. Emotionally, moving forward...sometimes translated by a mother as… moving on. I imagine like crazy that that can be a painfully rough feeling inside… no matter how much she loves or doesn’t love who her kid chose.

All I’m saying is that even though mothers-in-law can be, well, lots of things… they helped make our partners who they are today, either by being great moms or not so great moms. It couldn’t hurt to spend a little more time thanking them for pushing out the loves of our lives. Literally.

Some mothers-in-law are amazing fabulous confident women who joyfully send their child off into adulthood with no reservations… some are not. Let’s look at those mothers-in-law of the world in a new way, under a new light. Let’s choose to be thankful for them. Let’s choose to respect them. Not because of who they are, but because of who they created.

No matter how difficult this might sound… A “thank you for bringing my partner into this world. You have given me the most amazing gift I could ever ask for” from you would send your mother-in-law over the edge… in a delicious amazing possibly life altering way. Try it. Yes…really.

And then let me know how it goes.

And that’s the thing about mothers-in-law.


Send your questions to soapboxtherapy@gmai.com

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